Crims0n Ayde

2008-01-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

i alm0st was in tears 2dae @ d ward.. stupid SSN n SN kip picking 0n me.. i was gg 2 cry bt i t0ld myself n0t 2 c0z i gt 2 b str0ng n thick-skin 2 b a nurse.. bt sumtimes itz juz 2 much.. i gt s0und by d SSN n SN juz bc0z 0f small mistakes.. itz like unfair 4 me luh.. i was in cubicle 2..im supp0se 2 take care 0f 1 cubicle which c0nsist 0f 6 pts bt i end up taking care 0f 3 cubicles.. i was piz 0ff luh.. i was t0tali struggling 2 d "chores".. i f 2 kip running all 0ver d place.. my f0ot is hurting n my back was aching.. wen d aftern0on shift staff d0ing d rep0rt dey check d pts vital signs file n stuff.. n they sc0lded me in fr0nt 0f my cubicle.. i was like hello i was running all 0ver d place n f 2 d0 evryting s0 h0w d0 u expect me 2 finish evryting 0n time? my 2 frens tat was in charge 0f d 2 cubicles was like kip disappearing..

wen d nurses s0und me,itz was visiting time.. cn u imagine d humiliati0n tat i g0 tru?? evryb0dy was like l0oking @ me.. d SN was d 1st 0ne wh0 s0und me abt d parameters since it was inc0mplete den she t0ld d SSN n she start 2 nag @ me n was being rude luh.. den d SN fil bad n said tat i wasnt in d m0od alr wen i gt sc0lding n she said i was hardw0rking n stuff.. i t0tali ign0red her luh.. she wanted 2 tell d SSN s0 much rite n0w she tink wat? by saying tat i cn fil betta? f0r ur inf0, d SN did nth d wh0le dae 4 her shift.. she juz b0ssed ppl ard.. s0 wat rites d0es she f 2 say tat i didnt finish my w0rk 0n time?

d NYP student was als0 like staring @ me luh.. she fil bad luh tat i gt sc0lding c0z she n0es h0w it fils.. @ 1st i wasnt piz 0ff 0r aniting alth0 i f 2 c0ver 3 rms bt it was alr nearly 3pm end 0f my shift n i gt sc0lding.. t0tali sp0il my dae.. by d time d nurses humiliate me,it was alr 3pm.. bt i stay back 4 a m0ment 2 red0 d parameters.. my frens all start 2 cr0wd in my cubicle n ask wat hppn?

i t0tali didnt make ani eye c0ntact w dem n i t0ld dem,''d0nt t0k 2 me c0z i wld end up crying n im trying n0t 2''.. i was alr ch0king 0n my w0rds n my eyes was turning red wen i t0k 2 dem face d0wn.. after i t0ok d parameters, i juz walk 0ff 2 d tear0om 2 take my bag.. i sat d0wn 4 awhile 2 c0ol myself d0wn n rest..i cn fil tat my leg was like beating like my heart.. pain luh sey.. t0tali cnt fil frm my knee d0wn..

a few mins ltr, d NYP student cum int0 d rm c0z her shift f als0 ended.. she said 2 me "Farah i n0e tat d nurses was rude 2 u juz n0w.. but d0nt take it 2 heart" n i said, "n0 c0mments".. n juz smile @ her.. i wen hm after signing 0ut d attendance bk.. i was s0 piz 0ff tat i evn l0ok @ d nurses wen dey tried 2 make eye c0ntact w me n tried 2 b nice..

i juz head hm.. bt i t0tali will n0t 4gt d incident.. haiz.. wen i was gtting humiliated n stuff.. wat run in my head was tat im s0o gg 2 quit.. bt i alr pr0mised sum1 tat i wldnt s0 im gg 2 stick 2 d pr0mise..

2008-01-06T20:17:00.000+08:00

Emptiness in my heart
Wh0 cn fill it
Is it tat special sum1
0R
Is death d ans?
M feeling s0 l0st
Like a sheep
L0st in an unkn0wn place
Shld i juz end my life?
Wen will all dis madness st0p?
I cnt take it anim0re
Im rching my breaking pt in life
Sumtimes i fil like im rching 4 tings tats bey0ng my rch
N
I fil like im rching 4 d l0ve tat seems s0 far
I d0n n0e wats in her heart
She may f a change 0f heart in d future
But 4 me i'll stand true 2 her 4 d rest 0f my life if she wans me 2
I juz wish 2 f her all my life if itz p0ssible
I n0e itz 2 much 2 ask frm sum1
Bt i juz wish 2 f tat sum1 4 all my life

IM L0SING IT

2008-01-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

i've bn feeling c0nfused n l0st.. im like s0 afraid.. like thr's sumting bad tat is gg to hppn.. n like suddenly i fil s0 h0llow.. s0 al0ne.. like a part 0f me juz died.. Y m i feeling dis way? i totali hate it.. kip getting m0od swings.. i fil like bein al0ne w/o anybody disturbing me.. away frm mankind away frm evryting.. d0n fil like t0king t0 ani1.. i fil like im rching my breaking pt in life.. i fil like ending my life.. leaving evryting i f in dis w0rld.. suicide has bn 0n my mind dis few daes.. i juz wan sum peace.. i damn tired w evryting.. im giving up h0pe n im giving up on life.. actuali i nvr have any h0pe in living.. im living 4 d ppl wh0 i love.. wen i lost 1 0f dem, i'll end my life.. 0r maybe i'll juz end my life wen i had enuf 0f evryting..

n0 0ne understans me.. n0 0ne understans my feelings.. it hurtz wen i reali nit sum1 to b thr 4 me t0 talk to, they r juz n0t thr.. s0 i'll endup kipping it inside myself n endure it all by myself.. its a t0tal t0rture..

Whr r d ppl wh0 call themselves frens??
Whr r d ppl wh0 call themselves family??
Whr r d ppl wh0 say they l0ve me??
Whr??
Whr r u ppl??

ur juz n0t thr wen i reali needed u.. Im disapp0inted.. Im l0sing my mind.. im gg crazy.. i cnt take it anim0re.. im rching my breaking pt..

Deja Vu?

2008-01-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

I hate dis gift 0f mine tat like predict d future n stuff.. i wish i didnt have it.. itz hurting me.. my gift is like a curse.. wan 2 n0e y? c0z b4 my frens dad died, i knew it alr.. n 0n d day tat i went w my frens 2 d dad funeral..i was like t0tali sh0cked.. like wat ppl call it "Deja Vu"..

i still rmbr tat 1 dae i was chatting w aniza my cl0se fren.. n i t0ld her tat sumting bad tat g0t 2 d0 w her will hppn.. n i als0 said tat it gt nth 2 d0 w her r'ship.. i juz cnt bear 2 tell her.. h0w cld i? itz abt her dad.. i juz cnt tell her.. im s0rie tat i had 2 lied 2 u n hide it frm u.. i juz h0pe u wld understan my situati0n..

Wrecker

2007-12-31T00:34:00.000+08:00

if 0nly u were there to c her face wen we t0k abt u.. she was damn hurt.. wen i lo0k int0 her eyes.. i sense tat she's disapp0inted n hurt n felt cheated.. there was like t0tal sadness in her eyes.. it fucking hurt me to c her tat way.. i cn rmbr wat u've d0ne..

wen me n her r fiting.. u t0tali take advantage 0f dis time n like kip asking me 2 breakup w her evnth0 i t0ld u tat she deserves a 2nd chance.. u said tat she treat me badly n d0esnt treasure me.. u evn dare t0 talk shit abt her.. like hello.. ur t0king t0 her gf here.. u fake sympathy.. u make up st0ries.. hey bitch get a life.. live an h0nest life luh.. it w0nt kill u.. like rite n0w if ppl call u slut, i gt n0 c0mments c0z u t0tali derserve it..

UR A DAMN HEARTLESS BITCH WH0 L0VES T0 WRECK PE0PLE'S RELATI0NSHIP..

if u think that im gg to break w her bc0z 0f ur stupid st0ries,ur t0tali wr0ng.. wats wr0ng w u nway? jeal0us 0f pe0ples rship c0z urs juz d0n w0rk? 0r r u juz a sickening lil bitch? 0r is it bc0z ur "BF" d0es care abt u?

eh cm0n luh w u behaving dis way.. serve u rite tat all ur rship d0esnt w0rk.. u g0 ard flirting w 0ther pe0ple wen ur w sum0ne.. hey tats t0tally n0t rite luh.. i damn fucking hate u luh.. ur juz pretending t0 be s0me0ne wh0 u r n0t.. ur juz a sickening bl0ody fool relati0nship wrecker.. trust me.. i'll pay u back f0r wateva u had did.. n t0 make my mummy react like h0w she did 0n fridae is sumting u shldnt d0 bt u did..

u juz wait.. u hurt me i d0n give a fuck but u hurt my mummy n i'll give u back wat u deserve..

0rg mcm k0 dud0k kt dlm hutan lg bag0s arh.. n aku rasa aku kwn ngan binatang lg mulia drpd kwn ngan 0rg mcm k0.. aku jijik ngan k0.. d sight 0f u make me sick.. my hatred t0wards u grew each day.. my revenge will c0me s0on.. puki sundal nye betina.. h0pe u r0t n die a painful death.. Amin..

28 December 2007 MSN Conversti0n

2007-12-31T00:18:00.000+08:00

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

niwae d0 u reali l0ve shahrul?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i do.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

like..wen i break wif him,i cant do anything.my brain like nth.then.like if we were to seperate for 1 day,i cnt slp all day long.if he didnt msg me also i try my best to do sumting so he could lyn me.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

like?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

msg or call.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

lerrr

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

den ur x tkde yg mintak2 patch ker?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ader 1 tuu

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

mintak patch .i dont wan

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

then gt this indian muslim guy ask for stead

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

saper?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i dont want arh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

yg mintak patch i min

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ilham

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

maner nyer ilham plak nie?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

abeh faisal n faris tk mintak?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

faris ngan faisal mintak

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i ignore.faris wans to plae timer wif me.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

faisal?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

faisal.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

erm enta dier

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

asl?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

enta

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

long tym nv contact

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ever since the 26

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

Dec

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

dis yr?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tats like 2 daes ag0

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tk lamer pe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

for me it is lurh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

lerrr

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

mepek arh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

hahhs

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

eh..u go his blog already?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

n0pe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

tk habes2 about me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

and me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

aarrgh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

ape dier lg?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u read lurh sey

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

ah ye

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.secretsdestiny.blogspot.com

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wwww

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

www

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

www

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WWE!

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ehehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

zomg

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

nurie gt big boob too

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

nurie.his fren gt big boobie

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

errr

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

y r u telling me dis?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

siao

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

hahhs

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i like to see women wif big boobiey

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

0uhkie

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

eeee

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

h0rny bitch

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

=D=D=D

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

eeeeeee

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

lame pr0file

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u noe nvm

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat 0nli tat fella

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

babe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

babe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

yes

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

im gg 2 dump ur c0usin s0on

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

wad u gg to do?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

da fikir masak2?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

wad is ur plan?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat d0 u min?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i oso wanna noe..mayb i can help to add in summore stuff

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

u d0 wan me n ur c0usin 2 breakup?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i wan lurh.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i sae

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

if u wan to dump her

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

tell me ur plan

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

release the virgins?!

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i mean ur song

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

i d0no

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

me n her fite juz n0w

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

i slap her face @ d mrt stn

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

about?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

n walk 0ff

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WDFH!

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

den?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

faisal

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

den wat?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

i juz g0 luh

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WDFH..haii..babe..chill.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i think u r frusttrating now kan?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

hate her

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

biar ah dier

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ish ish ish..

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

padan muker dier

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u slp hard eh?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

yup

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

infront lots of people?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

yeah

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

she cry arh tuu?

at where?mrt maner nye

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tamp

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WEE!!!!!

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

y u say padan muker?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

she's ur c0usin

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

thx for slapping her.i've waiting sumbody to slp her

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

she is damn farking kurangajar arh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat d0 u min?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u noe rite she sae im stupid if i patch wif shahrul.and she sae i sually will go NT

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i was piissed off wif her larh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

den?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

bc0z 0f tat 0n li?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

lots more

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tell me luh

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

mls larh sey..

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

sumbody wanna kiss me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

on my b'dae

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

but i dont acccept lurh sey

I don't hate you

2007-12-09T00:14:00.000+08:00

i know we have been quarrelling frequently nowadays.. when we quarrel i alwaes get overcome by my emotions.. i would say the nastiest things in which i would regret later..i dont hate you even when i say i do..i cant hate you..

i just wish that you would open up to me..its just isnt fair for me because i told you evrything.. i never keep anything away from u.. and i want you to do the same.. open up to me.. it hurts me alot when i dont understand you.. this relationship doesnt mean anything if you dont understand your partner..i may not be perfect for you but are for me..and i certainly dont need any pitiness from you..i want your sincerity in this relationship..thats all that i want from you..

people can say anything about you.. i dont care..its their opinion about u and i have my own..

2007-07-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

s0metimes i w0nder if i really f0und d rite pers0n 2 spend my life w..
sometimes i w0nder if my l0ve is true..
s0mtimes i w0nder h0w l0ng w0uld dis ting lasts..
s0metimes i feel s0 l0nely than i ever c0uld feel..
s0metimes i feel that i m living a single life..
s0metimes i feel s0 empty..
s0metimes i feel s0 h0ll0w like a h0ll0w tree..

Y0u are the best thing that have ever happen t0 me..
Y0u are all i ever needed..
Y0u are the reas0n why i wake up everyday..
Y0u are the reas0n why i learn t0 l0ve again..

N0 w0rds can explain h0w much i l0ve u..
N0 w0rds can explain h0w much y0u mean t0 me..
N0 w0rds said by the pe0ple ar0und us can change my l0ve f0r y0u..

M0st 0f the time i w0nder if u ask y0urself all the things that i w0nder and feel..
But whats imp0rtant t0 me is that i still l0ve y0u..

2007-07-29T19:28:00.000+08:00

Wat i sent 2 her ealier 2dae.. H0w em0 c0uld i gt?? sheesh

Days isn't d same w/o Mi here by my side..
If 0nly its p0ssible,
B wan 2 mit mi evrydae..
Fetch mi fr0m sch n spend time 2gthr..
B mish th0se times al0t sey..
Wen B tink abt all the times we had 2gthr,
It makes B mishes Mi m0re n m0re..
B n0e we f bn quarrellin al0t n0wadays..
B sincerely ap0l0gise 4 tat..
It was all bc0z my unsecureness..
N h0nestly i've bn feeling vry l0nely..
S if i have n0 0ne 2 turn 2 wen time in need..
N0 shoulder 2 cry 0n..
N0 0ne 2 t0k 2..
N0 0ne 2 b thr in my highs n l0ws..

It's like im here all by myself..

Like im gg tru life all by myself..

All al0ne in dis sinful w0rld..

-ThinGs WiLL NeVeR Be ThE SaMe-

(Damnnn im ch0king 0n my w0rds sey.. s0bz s0bz)

ALL AL0NE

BaBy PanDA

2007-07-28T18:50:00.000+08:00

Real L0ve
Real L0ve is pure
S0mething that is share between tw0 people.

Hate
Hate is a sin
Never hate any0ne when we are alive.

H0nesty
H0nesty is what pe0ple ar0und y0u wants
It keeps relati0nship and friendship t0gether.

Lying
Lying is s0mething that we sh0uldn't d0
It might hurt the pe0ple ar0und us.

Happy
Happy is h0w we sh0uld feel day by day
It's n0t a ch0ice but it sh0uld be a habit.

Anger
Anger is negative aura
Y0u can l0se y0urself when y0u're in anger and d0 things that y0u'll later regret.

L0neliness
L0neliness can't b seen n0r t0uch
It can 0nly be felt.

Sincerity
Sincerity is s0mething that we d0 0r say that c0mes fr0m the heart
Its s0mething that y0u want fr0m pe0ple ar0und y0u.

...AND THAT IS WHAT MY BL0G IS ALL AB0UT....

2007-07-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

My life,
You've always been there,
Wishing the cl0ck w0uld stand still,
The fallen W0rld can wait,
Wasting away 0nce again,
0nce lived as friends.

We kn0w time w0uld kill us,
But y0u're still cl0se t0 me,
T0 me y0u were my life,
Y0u were my s0ul c0mpani0n.

If I die,
D0n't m0urn f0r me,
H0ping that I w0uld be br0ught back t0 life,
If I'm g0ne,
Everything w0uld be alright,
N0 m0re breath inside,
As my essence left me aside.

2007-07-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

-L0ve me-
-My Raz0rblade-

-Feel My Skin-
-Make Me Scream-

-Sink S0 Deep-
-Make Me Weep-

-Cut My Flesh-
-Make Me BLeed-

-Take My Life-
-Set Me Free-

2007-07-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

In the darkest h0ur 0f my life,
I feel like tearing myself apart,
Suicide is never far fr0m th0ught,
As i slit my wrist,
My black lips taste the dead grass,
A sudden relieved fr0m suffering,
As bl0od drips,
My visi0n blurred,
My essence left me.

Im the fallen 0ne.

2007-07-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

Y0u have my black heart,
Can never want anyb0dy m0re,
Than I wanted y0u,
The pure angel,
The 0nly thing I ever really l0ved was hate,
I was the creature that fallen int0 darkness,
Till y0u came int0 my black w0rld,
Thanks f0r saving me fr0m myself.

I surrender my b0dy and s0ul entirely t0 y0u.

2007-07-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

In the silence 0f the unh0ly night,
I tried t0 c0mf0rt myself fr0m the darkness,
And suffering that surr0unds me,
Suddenly an angel appear bef0re me,
And swept away all the darkness and suffering,
That i feel and see.

While embracing,
A sharp pain suddenly felt,
I realised the angel was angel 0f death,
The fallen 0ne I was called.

Angel 0f death laugh creepily,
As it watch me die,
I bleed fr0m my eyes as th0 crying
Bef0re I c0uld take 0ne last breath,
I was dead,
Lay C0ld and stiff.

2007-07-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

In the desecrate 0f the night,
C0mes the day,
0nce again I 0pened my dark eyes,
And start thinking 0f y0u,
Y0ur midnight hair turns red,
Under the s0rching sun,
h0w I wish t0 bl0ck the sun,
And shade y0u.

I l0ve y0u m0re than I've said,
T0 end this silence,
T0 pr0ve t0 y0u my sincerity,
I slit my wrist,
I bleed a sl0wly painful death,
0n my death bed.

2007-07-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

In the quiet atm0sphere 0f the night,
I find myself thinking 0f y0u,
H0w sweet my life has been since I've g0t y0u,
Y0ur smile fr0ze my bl0od,
Y0ur kiss sealed my black heart,
T0 l0ve y0u with all my might,
t0 treasure y0u day and night,
Till the end 0f time.

2007-07-28T00:03:00.000+08:00

Ar0und, all ar0und, the angels gather,
My dread g0es as the headsman's axe fall against my neck,
It severs me,
And darkly my bl0od drips
T0 the dead grass,
In pain i flee,
While death f0ll0w,
N0w al0ne,
My bl0od falls up0n bleeding eyes.

This is hell.

2007-07-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

Ar0und,all ar0und,
The sinister creatures gather,
My dread dread gr0ws as the str0ke 0f death falls,
Against my naked s0ul,
It slays me,
And darkly my essence drips t0 the wicked earth.

That is my pris0n,
In my madness,
I hang my head,
While Death's shad0w laugh cruelly,
N0w al0ne,
My essence falls up0n darkened eyes.

This is y0ur l0ve.

I still l0ve y0u

2007-07-27T23:47:00.000+08:00

What have y0u d0ne t0 me?
A sm0thering indistinctness 0f darkness as percepti0n darken,
0nce we sav0ured inn0cence,
Untainted and hand in hand,
but y0ur l0ve perished,
A hateful p0ol 0f ag0ny,
Dr0ps 0f bl0od mem0ry
F0ll0w death.

L0ve f0rgotten,
In t0rrents 0f vengence,
I still l0ve y0u.

All h0pe is g0ne

2007-07-27T23:39:00.000+08:00

The night falls as if slain by the sun,
C0ld and al0ne we are,
The em0ti0n f0r which y0u sacrifice y0urself,
Flares 0nce, then dies.

Dev0ured by velvet eb0n n0thingness,
All h0pe must sicken and dies.

Y0ur s0ul thrives n0 m0re,
H0w c0uld y0u n0t understand?
Dem0ns surr0unds us, crying
We are the fallen.

Night 0f darkness

2007-07-27T23:38:00.000+08:00

It's a night 0f dark desire,
A s0ng 0f ethereal pain,
W0lves vent their pain,
The imm0rtal 0ne rises.

Curling,icy wisps 0f death shr0ud her deathly f0rm,
An everlasting ag0ny.

Her midnight hair cascades 0ver pale and delicate sh0ulders,
And her full bl0od red lips part slightly,
T0 taste the bl0od streaming fr0m the pale flesh beneath her.

N0w a night 0f darkness,
I hunger f0r y0u.

0ur 1st meeting

2007-07-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

well i tink it was d nxt vry week wen we decided 2 mit.. as usual after class i change int0 casual cl0thes rather den wearing nursing unif0rm..0n tat dae my frens sheila,aar0n n aniz f0ll0w me 2 mit her.. we waited @ d 0pp0site bus st0p in fr0nt 0f my sch since Diyana is taking 31 frm her sch.. we wait patiently.. den aar0n g0t frustrated c0z we waited 4 s0 l0ng.. my frens say," eh Nurul, i tink she busted u arh..". den i say,''she busted me,im gg 2 make her regret tat she gt 2 n0e me''..s0 aar0n ask me 2 msg Diyana 2 ask whr is she n s0 i did.. n she said tat she's @ tanah merah.. den aar0n ask me 2 ask diyana wat bus is she taking since she's @ tanah merah.. n she say tat she t0ok 31 n gg 2 rch my sch 0pp0site bus stp alr.. by tat time Diyana's frens ask her h0w stupid n g0ng2 c0uld i b asking wat bus she is taking..

*N0te: i d0 n0t n0e tat Diyana's frens r cuming al0ng.

wen d bus tat she's taking arrived, me n my frens t0ok d same bus.. wen we b0arded d bus, aar0n decided 2 g0 2 d 2nd lvl 0f d bus since i t0ld him tat Diyana is sitting 0n t0p.. my frens ask me 2 g0 up bt i didnt wan 2..during tat time i was pissed 0ff w sumthing in sch.. niwae i was f0rced 2 g0 up.. since i was pissed 0ff i had my fark face 0n.. wen i wen up, i saw a bunch 0f CHIJ KC gals.. i was damn sh0cked.. she didn't t0ld me tat she was bringin her frens al0ng.. g0sh.. i didnt sit @ d back w Diyana.. i endup sitting infr0nt w my fren aniz.. den aar0n called my name Nurul.. bt i ign0red him.. i listen 2 my mp3.. while i was listening 2 my mp3, aniz tapped my hand n she say tat Diyana call my name but ign0red wat aniz said n switched 0ff my mp3.. den i heard Diyana called me Panda!! Panda!! g0sh i was furi0us since i was piss 0ff @ tat time.. n say yalah n0w im a panda.. n haha.. suddenly d gals behind all wen silent.. wen we g0t 0ff d bus, me n my frens waited 4 her since i nvr met her b4..

she t0ok a l0ng time 2 say her gdbyes 2 her frens wh0 decided 2 wen 0ff.. s0 she f0ll0wed me n frens n walk ard tampines mall n century mall.. i didnt t0k 2 her tat much infact i wasnt evn paying attenti0n 2 her @ all..instead 0f me, sheila endup entertainin her.. by d end 0f d dae i waited 4 bus 969.. i wanted 2 sent Diyana 2 D mrt stn 1st bt she insist 0n waiting 4 me till i take d bus.. while waiting 4 d bus.. i stared hard @ her.. n she stared back @ me in return.. haha.. wen d bus came i said my gdbye 2 her n wen hm..

*N0te: i g0t 2 pinched her b00bs 0n our 1st mitting.. haha

the beginin 0f my r'ship

2007-07-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

well its was d 1st wk 0f sch..its was nth unusual..b0ring w all d stupid intr0ducti0n thingy n games.. bullshit.. bt 0n d 30th april 2007.. i gt a msg frm dis gurl named De0n Diyana Eliana.. well we juz sms each 0ther ..evn th0 i was in class i still msg her.. n i still rmbr d 1 questi0n tat she ask me n h0w she wanted u ask me..it g0es like dis:-

Diyana: can i ask u sumthing? but d0n b mad 0kie..

Liyana: 0kie.. wat is it?

Diyana: h0w big is ur b0obs?

Liyana: 38B

Diyana: tats big..

Liyana: haha.. n0 its n0t..

okie2 tats enuf.. the sms c0ntinue..but m nt gg 2 elab0rate 0n tat..

sumh0w i find her vry interesting n b0ld..n sumh0w i find her different frm the 0ther gals tat i knew b4.. she was juz diff.. n i g0t attracted 2 her alm0st immediately.. well i min im attracted 2 d type 0f pers0n she is n n0t attracted s in i fall 4 her 0r aniting.. niwae.. 0n tat vry dae itself.. i d0n0 wat happen, we went c0upling.. g0sh.. fast isnt it? juz get 2 n0e den c0upling lia0.. haha..

0n tat vry nite,she called my hp ard 8plus.. we chatted till late.. well @ 1st i fil kinda like 0h my freaking g0d wat f i g0t myself int0.. bt 0h well.. i juz g0 w d fl0w..

0kie tats all abt my st0ry abt d begining 0f my r'ship..