i alm0st was in tears 2dae @ d ward.. stupid SSN n SN kip picking 0n me.. i was gg 2 cry bt i t0ld myself n0t 2 c0z i gt 2 b str0ng n thick-skin 2 b a nurse.. bt sumtimes itz juz 2 much.. i gt s0und by d SSN n SN juz bc0z 0f small mistakes.. itz like unfair 4 me luh.. i was in cubicle 2..im supp0se 2 take care 0f 1 cubicle which c0nsist 0f 6 pts bt i end up taking care 0f 3 cubicles.. i was piz 0ff luh.. i was t0tali struggling 2 d "chores".. i f 2 kip running all 0ver d place.. my f0ot is hurting n my back was aching.. wen d aftern0on shift staff d0ing d rep0rt dey check d pts vital signs file n stuff.. n they sc0lded me in fr0nt 0f my cubicle.. i was like hello i was running all 0ver d place n f 2 d0 evryting s0 h0w d0 u expect me 2 finish evryting 0n time? my 2 frens tat was in charge 0f d 2 cubicles was like kip disappearing..

wen d nurses s0und me,itz was visiting time.. cn u imagine d humiliati0n tat i g0 tru?? evryb0dy was like l0oking @ me.. d SN was d 1st 0ne wh0 s0und me abt d parameters since it was inc0mplete den she t0ld d SSN n she start 2 nag @ me n was being rude luh.. den d SN fil bad n said tat i wasnt in d m0od alr wen i gt sc0lding n she said i was hardw0rking n stuff.. i t0tali ign0red her luh.. she wanted 2 tell d SSN s0 much rite n0w she tink wat? by saying tat i cn fil betta? f0r ur inf0, d SN did nth d wh0le dae 4 her shift.. she juz b0ssed ppl ard.. s0 wat rites d0es she f 2 say tat i didnt finish my w0rk 0n time?

d NYP student was als0 like staring @ me luh.. she fil bad luh tat i gt sc0lding c0z she n0es h0w it fils.. @ 1st i wasnt piz 0ff 0r aniting alth0 i f 2 c0ver 3 rms bt it was alr nearly 3pm end 0f my shift n i gt sc0lding.. t0tali sp0il my dae.. by d time d nurses humiliate me,it was alr 3pm.. bt i stay back 4 a m0ment 2 red0 d parameters.. my frens all start 2 cr0wd in my cubicle n ask wat hppn?

i t0tali didnt make ani eye c0ntact w dem n i t0ld dem,''d0nt t0k 2 me c0z i wld end up crying n im trying n0t 2''.. i was alr ch0king 0n my w0rds n my eyes was turning red wen i t0k 2 dem face d0wn.. after i t0ok d parameters, i juz walk 0ff 2 d tear0om 2 take my bag.. i sat d0wn 4 awhile 2 c0ol myself d0wn n rest..i cn fil tat my leg was like beating like my heart.. pain luh sey.. t0tali cnt fil frm my knee d0wn..

a few mins ltr, d NYP student cum int0 d rm c0z her shift f als0 ended.. she said 2 me "Farah i n0e tat d nurses was rude 2 u juz n0w.. but d0nt take it 2 heart" n i said, "n0 c0mments".. n juz smile @ her.. i wen hm after signing 0ut d attendance bk.. i was s0 piz 0ff tat i evn l0ok @ d nurses wen dey tried 2 make eye c0ntact w me n tried 2 b nice..

i juz head hm.. bt i t0tali will n0t 4gt d incident.. haiz.. wen i was gtting humiliated n stuff.. wat run in my head was tat im s0o gg 2 quit.. bt i alr pr0mised sum1 tat i wldnt s0 im gg 2 stick 2 d pr0mise..

Emptiness in my heart
Wh0 cn fill it
Is it tat special sum1
0R
Is death d ans?
M feeling s0 l0st
Like a sheep
L0st in an unkn0wn place
Shld i juz end my life?
Wen will all dis madness st0p?
I cnt take it anim0re
Im rching my breaking pt in life
Sumtimes i fil like im rching 4 tings tats bey0ng my rch
N
I fil like im rching 4 d l0ve tat seems s0 far
I d0n n0e wats in her heart
She may f a change 0f heart in d future
But 4 me i'll stand true 2 her 4 d rest 0f my life if she wans me 2
I juz wish 2 f her all my life if itz p0ssible
I n0e itz 2 much 2 ask frm sum1
Bt i juz wish 2 f tat sum1 4 all my life

IM L0SING IT

i've bn feeling c0nfused n l0st.. im like s0 afraid.. like thr's sumting bad tat is gg to hppn.. n like suddenly i fil s0 h0llow.. s0 al0ne.. like a part 0f me juz died.. Y m i feeling dis way? i totali hate it.. kip getting m0od swings.. i fil like bein al0ne w/o anybody disturbing me.. away frm mankind away frm evryting.. d0n fil like t0king t0 ani1.. i fil like im rching my breaking pt in life.. i fil like ending my life.. leaving evryting i f in dis w0rld.. suicide has bn 0n my mind dis few daes.. i juz wan sum peace.. i damn tired w evryting.. im giving up h0pe n im giving up on life.. actuali i nvr have any h0pe in living.. im living 4 d ppl wh0 i love.. wen i lost 1 0f dem, i'll end my life.. 0r maybe i'll juz end my life wen i had enuf 0f evryting..

n0 0ne understans me.. n0 0ne understans my feelings.. it hurtz wen i reali nit sum1 to b thr 4 me t0 talk to, they r juz n0t thr.. s0 i'll endup kipping it inside myself n endure it all by myself.. its a t0tal t0rture..

Whr r d ppl wh0 call themselves frens??
Whr r d ppl wh0 call themselves family??
Whr r d ppl wh0 say they l0ve me??
Whr??
Whr r u ppl??

ur juz n0t thr wen i reali needed u.. Im disapp0inted.. Im l0sing my mind.. im gg crazy.. i cnt take it anim0re.. im rching my breaking pt..

Deja Vu?

I hate dis gift 0f mine tat like predict d future n stuff.. i wish i didnt have it.. itz hurting me.. my gift is like a curse.. wan 2 n0e y? c0z b4 my frens dad died, i knew it alr.. n 0n d day tat i went w my frens 2 d dad funeral..i was like t0tali sh0cked.. like wat ppl call it "Deja Vu"..

i still rmbr tat 1 dae i was chatting w aniza my cl0se fren.. n i t0ld her tat sumting bad tat g0t 2 d0 w her will hppn.. n i als0 said tat it gt nth 2 d0 w her r'ship.. i juz cnt bear 2 tell her.. h0w cld i? itz abt her dad.. i juz cnt tell her.. im s0rie tat i had 2 lied 2 u n hide it frm u.. i juz h0pe u wld understan my situati0n..

Wrecker

if 0nly u were there to c her face wen we t0k abt u.. she was damn hurt.. wen i lo0k int0 her eyes.. i sense tat she's disapp0inted n hurt n felt cheated.. there was like t0tal sadness in her eyes.. it fucking hurt me to c her tat way.. i cn rmbr wat u've d0ne..

wen me n her r fiting.. u t0tali take advantage 0f dis time n like kip asking me 2 breakup w her evnth0 i t0ld u tat she deserves a 2nd chance.. u said tat she treat me badly n d0esnt treasure me.. u evn dare t0 talk shit abt her.. like hello.. ur t0king t0 her gf here.. u fake sympathy.. u make up st0ries.. hey bitch get a life.. live an h0nest life luh.. it w0nt kill u.. like rite n0w if ppl call u slut, i gt n0 c0mments c0z u t0tali derserve it..

UR A DAMN HEARTLESS BITCH WH0 L0VES T0 WRECK PE0PLE'S RELATI0NSHIP..

if u think that im gg to break w her bc0z 0f ur stupid st0ries,ur t0tali wr0ng.. wats wr0ng w u nway? jeal0us 0f pe0ples rship c0z urs juz d0n w0rk? 0r r u juz a sickening lil bitch? 0r is it bc0z ur "BF" d0es care abt u?

eh cm0n luh w u behaving dis way.. serve u rite tat all ur rship d0esnt w0rk.. u g0 ard flirting w 0ther pe0ple wen ur w sum0ne.. hey tats t0tally n0t rite luh.. i damn fucking hate u luh.. ur juz pretending t0 be s0me0ne wh0 u r n0t.. ur juz a sickening bl0ody fool relati0nship wrecker.. trust me.. i'll pay u back f0r wateva u had did.. n t0 make my mummy react like h0w she did 0n fridae is sumting u shldnt d0 bt u did..

u juz wait.. u hurt me i d0n give a fuck but u hurt my mummy n i'll give u back wat u deserve..

0rg mcm k0 dud0k kt dlm hutan lg bag0s arh.. n aku rasa aku kwn ngan binatang lg mulia drpd kwn ngan 0rg mcm k0.. aku jijik ngan k0.. d sight 0f u make me sick.. my hatred t0wards u grew each day.. my revenge will c0me s0on.. puki sundal nye betina.. h0pe u r0t n die a painful death.. Amin..

28 December 2007 MSN Conversti0n

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

niwae d0 u reali l0ve shahrul?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i do.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

like..wen i break wif him,i cant do anything.my brain like nth.then.like if we were to seperate for 1 day,i cnt slp all day long.if he didnt msg me also i try my best to do sumting so he could lyn me.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

like?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

msg or call.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

lerrr

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

den ur x tkde yg mintak2 patch ker?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ader 1 tuu

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

mintak patch .i dont wan

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

then gt this indian muslim guy ask for stead

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

saper?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i dont want arh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

yg mintak patch i min

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ilham

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

maner nyer ilham plak nie?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

abeh faisal n faris tk mintak?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

faris ngan faisal mintak

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i ignore.faris wans to plae timer wif me.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

faisal?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

faisal.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

erm enta dier

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

asl?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

enta

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

long tym nv contact

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ever since the 26

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

Dec

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

dis yr?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tats like 2 daes ag0

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tk lamer pe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

for me it is lurh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

lerrr

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

mepek arh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

hahhs

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

=)

eh..u go his blog already?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

n0pe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

tk habes2 about me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

and me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

aarrgh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

ape dier lg?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u read lurh sey

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

ah ye

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

www.secretsdestiny.blogspot.com

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

=D

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wwww

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

www

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

www

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WWE!

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ehehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

zomg

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

nurie gt big boob too

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

nurie.his fren gt big boobie

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

errr

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

y r u telling me dis?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

siao

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

hahhs

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i like to see women wif big boobiey

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

=)

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

0uhkie

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

eeee

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

h0rny bitch

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

=D=D=D

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

eeeeeee

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

lame pr0file

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u noe nvm

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat 0nli tat fella

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

babe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

0h

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

babe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

yes

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

im gg 2 dump ur c0usin s0on

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

wad u gg to do?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

da fikir masak2?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

da

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

wad is ur plan?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat d0 u min?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i oso wanna noe..mayb i can help to add in summore stuff

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

u d0 wan me n ur c0usin 2 breakup?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i wan lurh.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i sae

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

if u wan to dump her

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

tell me ur plan

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

release the virgins?!

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i mean ur song

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

i d0no

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

me n her fite juz n0w

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

i slap her face @ d mrt stn

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

about?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

n walk 0ff

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WDFH!

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

den?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

faisal

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

den wat?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

i juz g0 luh

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WDFH..haii..babe..chill.

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i think u r frusttrating now kan?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

n0

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

hate her

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

biar ah dier

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

ish ish ish..

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

padan muker dier

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u slp hard eh?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

yup

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

infront lots of people?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

yeah

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

she cry arh tuu?

at where?mrt maner nye

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tamp

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

WEE!!!!!

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

y u say padan muker?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

she's ur c0usin

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

thx for slapping her.i've waiting sumbody to slp her

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

y?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

she is damn farking kurangajar arh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

wat d0 u min?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

u noe rite she sae im stupid if i patch wif shahrul.and she sae i sually will go NT

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

i was piissed off wif her larh

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

den?

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

bc0z 0f tat 0n li?

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

lots more

...Eclipse Suicidal Lover...U used me 0f my inn0cence.. says:

tell me luh

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

mls larh sey..

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

sumbody wanna kiss me

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

on my b'dae

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

hehe

ღ L . i . i . y . a . h . I want u to be here with me for my birthday .♥ says:

but i dont acccept lurh sey